Miserable joy
“Miserable joy,” that was how my mom would describe her feelings as she saw her children leave home to go to college, depart on church service missions or get married.
It wasn’t until today, as my sister and I were talking about the importance of being able to honor our feelings, that I realized how important it was for my mother to find space for BOTH of her emotions, no matter how at odds they seemed to be.
We can feel both joy and sorrow, love and frustration, uncertainty and peace and all sorts of other conflicting emotions, in the same space.
Why is this so important? Because it gives us permission to feel more completely. I can feel immense gratitude to be a mother and also feel frustrated and tired in that role. In the same space I can feel grief and pain for the loss of a loved one and also feel comfort that they aren’t suffering any longer. I can feel weary of enduring a year-long pandemic and also feel peace and hope.
If we invalidate one emotion we end up placing rules around what we are “allowed to feel”. We are saying some feelings are allowed or acceptable but some are not. Doing that stunts our emotional health and development.
